Adam Phillips, On Monogamy

“People have relationships not because they want to feel safe – though they often think they do – but because they want to find out what the danger is. This is where infidelity can let people down.” Adam Phillips, Monogamy, NY: Pantheon Books, 1996, §34. Phillips adds later “We are always doing monogamy, even though it is not always obvious with whom we are doing it.” §46. “[O]ne is truly monogamous only when monogamy is no longer the point: that is, when one is in love. [. . .] When I am in love, it is only the other person who could be unfaithful.” §93. “The only truly monogamous relationship is the one we have with ourselves.” §101.